Recently at Nowhere Bookshop we realized that we’re more than 5 years in and whenever someone asks us for professional photographs we just shrug and send them what we took on our phones that day because we aren’t great at marketing. But this year we decided to be grown-ups and hire an amazing local photography team and we bribed some of our regulars (WE HAVE REGULARS. STAY CALM EVERYONE. ACT COOL) with free drinks to come in after hours and the photographs were so lovely! I can’t find any of them right now because I am too disorganized but I do have this one they took of me trying to install Beartram’s head while Elizabeth tries to dissuade me and honestly, it’s maybe not incredibly professional but it’s incredibly accurate.
Beartrum 4 Ever!
In related news, this was a good year for the bookstore and cafe in spite of the world being on fire (THANK YOU!) and because of your support we’ve been able to offer medical benefits and 401Ks to our team, which is a really big deal for an indie bookshop. WHOOP! This could only happen because of the support of you and the community and our amazing team and I’m so lucky to be part of this.
This year we’re relaunching the Fantastic Strangelings Books Club for its 6th year. All our book clubs are special but Fantastic Strangelings was our first and it has kept us out of the red every year, so as a thank you we’re going to start sending out several little gift surprises to you through the year, including custom club bookmarks with special code words that will get Fantastic Strangelings 20% off anything online or in store. It’s less than $30 a month and you get a new hardback book each month that I pick out myself. (We ship everywhere.) I tend to pick strange but lovely books from debut authors or marginalized writers, heavy on strong female characters, magical realism, weirdness, queer-friendly, progressive, hopeful…books that might not get the attention they deserve. If you want to join just click over here for details. And if you were a former member who paused their subscription you can rejoin for free. 🙂 Also, it makes a great gift so feel free to send this to your significant other with the title “hint-hint” if they complain you are too hard to shop for.
Speaking of books…if you’re a Fantastic Strangeling this month we’re sending you Cape Fever from award-winning South African author Nadia Davids. It’s a gothic psychological thriller set in the 1920s, where a young Muslim maid finds herself entangled with the spirits of a decaying manor and the secrets of its enigmatic owner. Haunting.
And if you’re a member of our horror club (Nightmares from Nowhere) we’re sending you Dark Sisters by Kristi DeMeester, a historical horror novel that connects three women across three centuries through a shared legacy of female rage and power against patriarchal oppression. YES PLEASE.
And (sorry this is so long!) we also just launched our newly-redesigned website so pretty-please go check it out because we’re quite proud of it. OH, and I just realized that some of our new photos are on the new website! So it totally worked out that I couldn’t find them before.
Seeing a very curious lack of bear head pictures over there though.
I couldn’t find a wall to fit him on so maybe I’ll just make him into a giant necklace?
The instructions to put together the Bumble said that it would take 2 people less than 30 minutes to put it together but Victor and I were standing on the lawn in the dark yelling at each other with flashlights for hours because it was complicated as hell and all the instructions were like, “ATTACH THE GLOPPERHOPPER TO THE SNORLAX WHILE SCREWING THE SNOCKLAP TO THE CLEEVE. MAKE SURE IT’S THE LEFT CLEEVE OR IT WILL EXPLODE. SEE IMAGE OF DANCE REQUIRED.”
At a certain point I wanted to just leave it until the morning but it looked like this and I was worried that we’d traumatize the neighborhood kids if they saw a Sasquatch that had been skinned and/or was flashing everyone.
Anyway, we did finally complete all the pieces and it was totally worth it because yesterday I was walking Dorothy Barker and a woman walked by with a little girl in a stroller and the little girl whispered something and her mom sighed and said, “Oh, you’ve gotta say hi to the monster again? Okay, last time though and then you have to take a nap” and the little girl giggled and all was right in the world.
On a slightly related note, I just got back from 3 days in Canada and I have more on that later (it was amazing…I miss you Canada!) but I’m so tired (in a good way) that I haven’t been able to move for a few days (thanks, chronic illness) and last night I was feeling like a bad mother because I’m too tired to put up a tree and plan a Christmas dinner so instead Hailey and I wrapped a piece of garland around a pole and cut out a tiny Rory and this is now our Xmas pole.
I can’t find the stockings so instead I’m going tape ziplock freezer bags to the mantle. Christmas will be the three of us and we are just going to reheat tamales and it will be fine. All that to say that it’s okay if your holiday doesn’t look like anyone else’s.
Happy holidays, friends!
PS. The actual instructions were about “secured clevis'” and “mounting sliding cotter pins” and are these real words? WTF.
I was going to write a real post today but I ran out of time and it’s late so instead I’m going to just share the substack letter I just mailed out in case you don’t subscribe but want to know why I’ve disappeared for a few days:
Hello, love!
I know I just sent you a letter but I’m sending another one because next week I’ll be in Quebec for a couple of days and I don’t know how to schedule a future post and I don’t know if I’ll have access to substack there. Honestly, how am I decades into publishing online and am still so bad at this?
BUT! Pretend that this is next Monday because my drawing for the week is a reminder of exactly why I’ll be in Quebec…because life is short and fragile and I’ve never seen the sort of snow that you can do things in and I want to sled down a hill or build a snowman once in my life before it’s too late. Of course, now that I’ve written this I expect that all the snow in Canada will melt but I’ve heard they also have excellent cheeses so we’ll make do no matter what.
“Our lives are fleeting and fragile and beautiful…like butterfly wings that turn to dust at a touch.”
And let this be a tiny reminder to you that (if you can) you should go out and do something fun and whimsical and ridiculous as often as possible because that is what life is made of. Bundle into a quilt and watch an old black and white movie. Attach a swing to your tree and have fun. Make plans to see snow and then remember that in addition to many other diseases you also have severe rheumatoid arthritis and then say, “FUCK IT. I’LL BRING EXTRA DRUGS” and get on the plane even though you feel kind of stupid and might end up in a cramped ball of pain at the end of this.
Hugs, sweet friend.
~ Jenny
PS. I have been doing duolingo for 333 days straight because I heard that learning languages can help keep dementia away and so I will be using my french for the first time ever in real life and do I just apologize in advance for fucking it up? Is it rude to speak French if I can speak English since I think much of Quebec also speaks English? Am I just making it harder on everyone else or is it a charming thing to show them that I’m really trying and am just very stupid? I don’t know the answer here.
This isn’t a real post. It’s just me saying that I’m going to Nowhere Bookshop either today or tomorrow to sign books so if you want to order some for presents for yourself or others and have them mailed to you before xmas you can get them here.
If you put “go nuts” in the comments of the order form I will probably surprise you with ridiculous drawings, animal facts or other unhinged things because I like to entertain myself and need adult supervision. Just warning you. See below.
Hello and welcome to the SIXTEENTH ANNUAL James Garfield Miracle! (HOW??)
“What is the James Garfield Miracle?” you may be asking.
You must be new here. HELLO AND WELCOME.
16 years ago I walked into an estate sale and fell in love with an ancient taxidermied boars head that seemed so damn happy to see me.
I did not buy him and spent a week in light mourning. Then the next week A MIRACLE HAPPENED and James Garfield came into my life forever. (He’s looking at me right now in my new office, in fact and he is older but still magnificent….as are we all.)
But Victor wasn’t completely thrilled that we’d spent $90 on a literal Christmas miracle of mangey fur and missing teeth so I decided that I’d make holiday cards of James Garfieldto make up for it and if I sold a couple dozen it’d be like James Garfield was making us money.
But then everyone went crazy and James Garfield made more that week than I did in my actual job and so I decided that I’d take all the money James Garfield made and use it to give presents to the kids of people who were struggling that year because I have been there in the past myself. And I bought gifts for the first 30 something people and then I ran out of money but then suddenly everyone in the comments were like, “I WANT TO HELP A STRANGER IN NEED! LET ME BUY A GIFT FOR SOMEONE” and that’s how this suddenly became 16 years of a strange community project of strangers helping strangers anonymously and it’s pretty damn amazing.
Over the years we’ve had many different iterations of the James Garfield Miracle and the only real downside is that occassionally a scammer would slip in and ask for stuff for themselves, so a few years ago we decided to just give out teddy bears. Why? Because everyone loves teddy bears (hell, I love teddy bears) and if someone is going to go to the trouble to make an entire wishlist account for a teddy bear they definitely need one.
So this year I am sending out 150+ teddy bears to kids right here.
That’s it. Just sweet, snuggly teddy bears. Well, not just teddy bears because the teddy bears have eyes that babies can swallow (stop swallowing eyes, weird babies) so I’m also adding a few other stuffed animals you can choose from if you have an eye-devouring baby or your child hates bears or Amazon sells out of teddy bears.
But that’s it. Simple. Easy. Not perfect because in a perfect world everyone would get everything they need, but I’d like to imagine that even people who may be disappointed that we’re just doing stuffed animals will at least be happy imagining all the kids finding unexpected fluffy new stuffed animals in their arms this holiday. It makes me smile, at least.
So, if you are struggling this year and you need help getting your child a present for Christmas/Hanukkah/winter solstice/whateveryoucelebrate then I am ready to Santa Claus it up and drop one lovely plushie at your doorstep. And I will walk you through how to get or give one anonymously.
Here are the links for the plushes you can pick from. Choose the one that best works for your kid:
Currently these are all around $15-$25 each but Amazon can be wonky about changing up the prices when things start to run low so if I see that happening I’ll come back here to add other choices to choose from to replace any that sell out or suddenly skyrocket in price from $20 to $180. (Wtf, Amazon?) If I haven’t bought you a stuffed animal it’s probably because they sold out, jacked up the price, or you forgot to add your address so just come back and try again. I selected only stuffed animals that are prime eligible and have at least 20 or more in stock but if they start to run out I’ll switch to something else that meets the criteria.
(Also, I use a lot of the profits I make on ads and stuff to buy toys for kids, and all of the royalties from the2026 Bloggess Calendar go to this as well, so that means that if you’ve even clicked on a link this year or bought an ad or a book, then you are the reason why I’m going to be able to buy toys for at least 150 kids this year. I’m so grateful. Thank you!)
The wishlists should be posted in the comments so (as always) if you want to buy a present for a stranger you totally can. Or you can donate to Project Night Night, an amazing organization that provides a tote bag, book, stuffed animal and security blanket to displaced kids throughout the year. They are FANTASTIC and they have more requests than they can fill so I cannot recommend them enough. In fact, tomorrow I’ll be donating $1,000 to them in your name. WHOOP!
SO…if you want in on this you have to read all the directions and stick to the rules or otherwise you will be set on fire and pushed out a moving plane. Or maybe I’ll just delete your comment and look at you with that disappointed look your mom gives you when she knows you’re trying but are still fucking up. One of those. Here are the rules:
IF YOU WANT TO GIVE:
Okay, how do I do this?
You are my special angel. Just look in the comments and find someone who has an unfilled Wishlist. I’m going to fill least 150 stuffed animal wishes but there are often more than I can handle. (If there’s nothing on their list when you click it it means their toy was already bought- yay!) Buy their present and make sure when you check out that you select their shipping address instead of defaulting to yours. (It won’t give you their full address but it’ll tell you the town you’re shipping it to so you can compare it to their comment to make sure you have the right person.) If you try to fill a wishlist but it doesn’t give you a shipping address to choose that means the person didn’t assign a shipping address to their list so just delete their present out of your cart and go on to the next wishlist. If it says “these are duplicates. Someone else may have already bought this” when you try to check out then someone else has already bought that stuff so delete it and try another one. I’ll update the comments as I can to note which ones have been filled but it can get a bit backlogged when I’m in the car, eat or sleeping. 🙂 Please do not fill any wishlists that don’t say the city the person lives in the comments, or any wishlists where the person doesn’t stick to the rules, please. (This is one way we make sure that people are who they say they are while still giving them anonymity.)
But what if I don’t live in America?
Check the comments because we often have Canadians and others outside the US who need help and I can’t fill those lists because shipping kills me, so if you want to adopt a family this is a great way to do it.
IF YOU NEED HELP:
You are my special angel. Here are the things you have to know and if you do them wrong you’ll get deleted so read carefully, okay?: You have to make a BRAND NEW wishlist today, you can only choose one stuffed animal per child to put on your wishlist, and it has to be one of the ones above. I’ll walk you through it below. Then just come to this post and leave a comment telling us the city and State you’re in (this location has to match what you have on your wishlist), how many kids you have, and a link to your wishlist. Do not make multiple wish lists. Just make one. One of the most important things (people do this wrong every year so PLEASE do this part right) is that you have to assign a shipping address for this specific brand new wishlist. It doesn’t matter if you’ve done it before or think it’s on your profile. You have to do it for this new wishlist specifically today or it won’t let us send you anything. I’ll give you the details on setting up the wishlist below.
What if I want to make wish lists to surprise other people who I think need help?
Nope. Because then we end up sending multiple things to the same people. But you can totally encourage them to go online or help them make their own. This is for anyone struggling to get a toy for their child this holiday (and yes, that totally includes teens and adult children with special needs).
I’ve never done this before. How do I make a wishlist?
On Amazon, click on “Accounts & Lists” (on the top right), choose “Create a list” from the dropdown. (Sometimes it’s under “your lists” if you can’t find it.)
Create a brand new list and name it “James Garfield 2025” then click “create”. This will give you a blank private wishlist with nothing on it.
On the right you’ll see a button that says “…“. Click on that and choose “Manage list.” Change “private” to “PUBLIC” so we can see it. In the “description” part just put how many kids your list is for. YOU MUST ADD YOUR ADDRESS FOR THIS SPECIFIC LISTso click on the drop-down for the shipping address and change it from “none” to your address. PLEASE DON’T SKIP THIS PART. Please make sure that all the checkboxes at the bottom are UNCHECKED. That means make sure that “keep purchased items on your list” and “don’t spoil my surprises” are NOT checked. Now go back and double-check every single thing in this paragraph. Is it all good? Awesome! Click “Save changes”.
Now just go shopping for one of the above stuffed lovies for your kiddo. When you have the one you want click on the “Add to list” drop down arrow on the right (it’s under where the price is) and then select your “James Garfield 2025” list. Click “view your list” to make sure it’s added. If everything is right you should have your stuffed animal(s) on the wishlist page and when you click on the “…” button again it should say that your wishlist is public and your address should show up in the same box and double check that “don’t spoil my surprises” and “keep purchased items on your list” ARENOT checked. (People will see the city and state you are in, but your last name and the rest of your address is hidden.)
If you have another kid just go back to the list and pick a present for them and add it to the same list.
When you have one stuffed animal for each kid in your wishlist copy the link to your wishlist. Now you go to the comments below and leave a comment saying how many kids you have, what city and state you are in, and a paste in the link to your wishlist. That’s it!
So for example, a comment from me would look like this:
PS. Please please please double check before you hit the submit button that you have assigned a shipping address to your wishlist, that it’s “public” and that your comment has a link to your wishlist, the city and state you live it and the number of kids you have. Love!
PPS. This is one of my favorite things to do each year but it isn’t perfect. Every year some boxes go missing. Some get delivered after Christmas. Miscommunications happen. But I’d rather try to do something small and wonderful even if it isn’t perfect. Thank you to every single person who asks for help, to every single person to who helps and especially to those who have done both. Every year we have people who’ve been helped before who are so happy to help this year, or people who’ve helped before but now need help themselves. I know what it feels like to be in both of those places and I’m wishing love and light to every single person who reads this.
PPPS. When you choose something for your wishlist make sure it still says “delivers before xmas” because some of the things may sell out and not restock in time. 🙂 As of the time I’m writing this all the stuffed animals arrive before xmas but if they start to sell out and have to restock it might cause your stuff to come in later. I’ll try to keep adding other options if things start to run out.
This isn’t a real post. It’s just me dropping in to say that every year I host a weird holiday giveaway where I send new stuffed animals to kids who might not otherwise get them, but this year I’m going to do it a little earlier than normal because I’m traveling a little. So if you are someone who wants help getting your kids a stuffy this year be sure to check back soon. (Probably Sunday or Monday. I’ve been a little sick or I’d be doing it now.) I’ve been very thankful this year with book sales and so I’m passing that happiness on to send at least 150 kids a present (maybe more…I have to check my bank account) so just know that if you read here or my substack or support me in any way you are, in turn, supporting others. YAY! It’s one of my favorite things of the year, especially because I have also been on both side of the “really want to help” and “really need help myself” coin in my life.
In case this is your first year, I’ll do a full run-down of the rules when I open the post up to start giving, but here are the basics in case you’re interested:
I’ll start a new post here in a few days with a list of about 10 different stuffed animals you can choose from (usually $15 to $25 each) and then anyone who needs one will make a BRAND-NEW wishlist on amazon of the stuffed animals they want. (One per child so we don’t run out, please.) Then I’ll tell you how to make your list public and fillable. It won’t show anyone your address or last name, just the name you add to it and your city. Then you simply leave the link to the list along with a note in the comments of that post just saying how many kids you have and what city you are in. Then I’ll go in and fill the lists, first come-first served. And also, lovely people in the comments often pop in to fill lists as well, including even people who were once the very small kids getting the stuffed animals themselves in years past. *ow my heart*
We limit the wishlists to just stuffed animals because otherwise it can get out of hand very quickly and we want everyone to get one if possible, but after Xmas the post will stay open so you can share gofundmes or wishlists of other stuff if you want. (If you share it before or don’t follow the rules I’ll just delete your comment and ask you to try again so it’s fair for everyone.) It’s for children only but if you have adult disabled kids, then of course they still count as children. 🙂
Check back soon!
I need to add a picture here but I don’t have a good one so instead here is Ferris Mewler in my lap right now as he watches the squirrels outside of my office.
He’s making that chittering “eck-eck-eck” noise and it is adorable.
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Wonder and Joy for the Wired and Tired: Feeling wired, tired, and stretched too thin? You’re not alone. Re-ignite your sense of childlike wonder, joy, and well-being with this enlightening and entertaining book by Dr. Pam Stephens Lehenbauer, well-being thought leader and author of the blog, Mother Nature’s Apprentice.
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Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic
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